moody retard

ok...
im kind of moody now...
but i'll try to keep my spirits up(:
so, time for bactrack part 2!
and im putting it across as a general week summary:D

my dearest grandfather;

he scolds us for not keeping the toys after we played.
he smokes.
he likes sitting in those stretched-chairs made of rubber strips listening to opera on his walkman.
but,

he always volunteer-ly gives us money for laksa even when we just finish our lunch.
he quits smoking.
he always gives up the chair for us to play with it.

and he has cancer now, terminal stage.
though i can admit im not close with him, im still devastated cos afterall he's my grandfather and he alwasy gives us money for treats:(
my mum and i have been crying every night.
he doesnt noe, for now.
so does my grandma, i really dont noe wat will happen but i noe they must noe bout it.
i just hope he can be cured with chemotherapy:)
i love you.



school life

sch is as per normal and bitches are still bitches, f**kers are still themselves, not forgetting irritants and perverts.
honestly, im very tired, i just want time to stop and let me take a break frm everything and everyone.
and i just realise, im too lazy to accept new knowledge, which is bad...
i dont noe wats happening to me!!!
today, lynn, val, nic and i talked and we realise that we doesnt want to leave sch.
10 yrs of 'wats the frist period' and so on so forth makes me so used to the sch life we have.
but a sudden twist comes when we go off to poly/jc, cos everything is different.
i dont noe...
i just want to be a kid...
i dont want to go into a complicated and cold adult world~
i noe im just cheating myself and u can say anything you want but i just DONT WANT TO GROW UP!
i love school life!!!
though with 'bad' ppl around:)



dance

seriously, I WANT TO PERFORM
i dont noe what might ppl tink but i really think its a torture to be watching my fellow freinds and not dancing myself...
watever the genre might be, as long as we all did it together.
the process might be tiring and gruelling, but we always, ALWAYS enjoyed ourselves!
this racial harmony, my parent said. NO.
and that was final.
first time in my life, i want smt so ad till i cry every night( maybe with the addition of the cancer news)
but pausing the time and rush, i wonder, my friends or the dance

DANCE THEONE
-love with my life -those who stood by me
-last performance -gathering for us cos its either duty for them or dance for me
-even better dance this time -really want to spend time with them and dressing up!

see that?
i really want to dance, but i nv even thought bout my frens.
how would they feel if i chose dance over them.
how selfish i was...
im so sorry.
its the same as asking me to choose one parent to follow when a divorce happens.
im really caught up badly by this..
help~

so practically, this is wat has been going on for the whole week...repeating itself...
the crying, the dilemma, the hesistation, the grief and all..
and friends who stood by me, i really grateful, cos this is a tough time for me emotionally.
im sorry for being extra noisy and crazy cos i honestly dont want to show you all a black face in sch and i hope you all will understand that im crazy for a reason:D
thanks ppl...
but some ppl, thanks for ruining my week.
rubbing into my wounds, thanks bitch(es).
and i'll dedicate this to my friends,
thanks a lot for all this while,
though i may be having rollercoaster emotions smt, you all still tolerated me( i noe)
and im sorry that i hurt you in ways that i did before.
i love you:D
you noe who you are:)